May 26 2009
About a month ago, I posted Martin’s Hate List…for no other reason than it’s random and he’s held onto it for 15 years (if you missed it, see the list.)
Not to be outdone, I hatched a list of my own. The unofficial rules of this exercise: it can’t be personal, like “I hate Martha” and it can’t be obvious… “I hate slow drivers,” or “I hate running out of milk when I’m eating cereal.”
It has to be something uniquely “you,” which –shesh — brings me to #9 on my own list.
Most of things that I’ve itemized lead Martin to state the obvious: “You have issues.”
Of course I have issues. I’m weird. That’s part of my charm.
But I also remind him that he’s warped me into the person that I’ve become: someone who writes a hate list!
Today seemed a good day for it. I’m half-way through a medium bag of M&M’s (that 12.60 ounces, folks) and it’s raining hard outside, which probably means it’s raining inside as well.
That sucks. I hate it when it rains in the house.
Just kidding. That isn’t really not on my list. I was just warming up.
Okay, here goes. My list. Feel free to sound off or comment with your own hates…assuming the censor function on this blog isn’t up to its old tricks.
My Hate List (in no particular order)
-people who rarely phone, but when they do, start by saying “hey, it’s me…”
-purposeful old-style misspelling, as in “the Olde Towne Shoppe.”
-ice tea in plastic bottles
-new housing developments
-writers who describe anything as “unique”
-being approached by someone I know while I’m working out at the gym
-the term “lover” as in, “we’re lovers.”
-parents who refer to themselves in the 3rd person when talking to their kids
-people who bend back the covers on paperback books
-cold feet (literally)
-monkeys, baboons and other primates
-taking the last sip out of a glass, even my own
-people who use a close-up picture of their kid as their facebook photo
and finally, a late but loathsome entry:
-the lint condom on the washing machine!