Vigilante Justice


I don’t believe in taking the law into your own hands.

Even when it means saving a hapless animal. Who’s been trapped by the state’s natural resource agency… who’s conducting a re-forestation study to see how trees fare without deer damage. As part of this study, the agency constructed a deer-proof fence in a field not far from the river.

The problem is, that they fenced in a deer in the process.

I’m not the first one to stumble on this snafu. In past months at least two neighbors have ridden their horses by and reported that a deer was trapped within the fence.

And about two weeks ago I called again since the doe — and her new fawn — had lost their only source of water — a swampy area in the woods. It had completely dried up and the situation was dire.

And it was in the agency’s best interest to kick the deer out to preserve their study. I realize that the deer might be hit by a car or hunted in the fall. But they deserved a fair shot at life.

“Just cut the fence,” Martin said when I complained about the situation. But I didn’t want to sabotage the study. Instead I carted water buckets down in the gator and lowered them over the fence with baling twine. Then I called the state office about the deer; they promised to get them out of there.

But they didn’t. Because we spotted the doe looking forlornly at us from behind the fence last weekend.

Now I’m not saying that anyone took it upon themselves to rectify the situation. I didn’t see anything of the sort. I’ll just say this: if I worked for the state’s reforestation office, I might want to check the structural integrity of the deer fence for any possible damage.

On the west side.

About midway down.

And while you’re there, patching the fence and cursing the vandal who sliced it open, take heart: the offender has been severely punished for his actions.

You see, the fence is home to a lush and thriving crop of poison ivy and right now, a certain individual is nursing a nasty, weeping, painful, itchy rash on his feet, legs, arm, even between his fingers. It’s the worst poison ivy he’s ever had.

But his wife thinks it was worth it.

Hypothetically speaking.