Reality Bites

I just made a startling revelation:

My house is a cluttered pigsty. And it’s going to look this way….

for the next 10 years.

It’s a beautiful day outside. Sunny, low humidity, breezy.

And there’s something about this perfect day that illuminates the mess that we live in. The wind doesn’t help. It’s whipping through the windows, bringing to life the mangled coloring books, wrapping paper, discarded bags from office depot, candy wrappers…

And I haven’t even mentioned the fact that a toy store threw up in my living room. Dinosaurs, legos, princess dolls, baby rattles, star wars figures, crappy happy-meal toys, a bouncy seat, a swing, a rocking horse, toy soldiers, safari animals…there’s debris everywhere I turn.

And as I write this, the only thing that’s in its rightful place – the large potted mystery plant beside our TV — fell victim to the wind. It’s thick stalk is doubled over, the top leaves touching the ground.

Perhaps it weeps that it lives in such squalid conditions.

“Relax,” Martin tells me over the phone, when I explain that we belong on a hoarding show.

“This is normal. Our kids are happy and healthy and the house is mess. Why do you think old people are so anal about keeping their houses clean?? Because they’re finally rid of kids! And that’s why old people wake up so early — they think 8 am is late — because their kids have broken them! So chill out!”

It took some time but Martin talked me off the ledge. (The glass of wine didn’t hurt.)

The fact is, our house is a mess and that’s just collateral kid damage.

….still, I’m biding my time….the next chance I get, I’m pitching everything!