Mailbox offer

Be very careful my sweet but witless sheep. Behave yourselves. Do not bend the wire fence or gnaw on the apple trees. Think twice before you paw up big clods of dirt in the field.

Because someone wants to eat you.

Two weeks ago I fished out the mail and discovered a cardboard box scrap, nestled among the junk mail and bills. “Looking to buy Sheep + Goats,” the scrawly handwriting simply said, followed by “Masood’s” name and number.

Now it’s possible that Masood is dipping his toe in the farming pool. Perhaps he’s stocking a petting zoo.

I kind of doubt it. I think he’s shopping for supper.

Fear not, sheep. As long as you keep Maisie looking good — by racing to Martin’s side each time the dog glances your way — I’ll keep you off the plate.