Not drunk dialing, but close

I’m a veteran Ambien user, thanks to frequent bouts with insomnia over the past six years. So you’d think that I’d be well-versed in the rules of sleeping pill usage:

1. do not medicate after 11 pm (if you want to function the next morning),
2. do not attempt communication with anyone (except spouse) after administration, and
3. do not handle any form of currency.

I broke all three rules. But I didn’t realize it until a new email caught my eye the next morning.

“Surp?” the message said.

I scrolled down a little further….to an email I had apparently sent at 11:47 pm. The message:

“You get a surp”

Thankfully, the recipient of this cryptic note was Mom, who expressed curiosity but otherwise dismissed my crazy talk.

But what was a “surp” anyway? Was it short for surprise? And if so, what was the surprise? And who for?

Maybe I had meant to write ‘sup, as in, “Hey Mom, ‘sup?” Obviously it meant something at 11:47 pm.

…when I was paying the bills.

Yes, I was happily issuing checks for $400 here and $800 there, dutifully stuffing them into envelopes, when my good friend Ambien laid claim to my brain and powered down operations — but not before issuing an emergency message: Warning! Stop all activity! Shuffle feet to bed immediately!!

The next morning I discovered the new email, apologized to Mom, and opened two bills to turn the receipts around so that the addresses were showing.

But rather than rip open everything to check my handiwork, I just mailed the lot. We’ll see what the bills look like next month.

Who knows, I might get a surp.