“Are You OK?”

Are you OK? the subject of the email reads. It’s from my mom.

Left message on your voice mail after home phone rang incessantly with no pickup or voice mail. Is Brynn ok?

Yes, I’m fine, I reply. We’re all fine. Everyone except for the phone.

This is not the first time that I’ve blogged on this subject. My last rave-out over phones: April 21, 2010. Less than a year ago.

I’ll spare you the meandering tale of our disposable telephone system and refrain from posting a tome about how we replace our phones every four to six months. In summary: a technician from the phone company thinks that the line, when installed, “probably wasn’t ever grounded right.”

When was that? The Depression era? During the Korean War? When Nixon took office? Who knows? More importantly, who cares?

Certainly not the phone company. The service technician dispatched to the scene gave Martin a dismissive shrug. He restored phone service, packed up his truck and left.

But here’s the rub. Whenever there’s a clapper of a storm, a downed tree, or some other freaky act of nature — ZAPPO! — a surge of electricity fricassees our telephones into oblivion. If there’s a downed line, a company that I’ll call….”Merizon,” repairs it, but the phones themselves cease to operate.

Ain’t technology great?

I wish I could say that we squeezed a year of life from our current telephones….that they dated back to my April 2010 blog. But Santa brought these phones at Christmas. So the three devices that should transmitt sound are inoperable after just 90 days.

Last night, disgusted by this diagnosis, I hurled the phones into the abyss of kids’ toys. Literally threw them across the room. At least they’re getting some use. Had and Cayden “call” one another from different parts of the house. Though they have to shout to be heard.

So, to our friends who’ve called and been met with an endless chorus of rings, now you know the score.

I can’t believe I’m reverting to the same graphic that I pilfered last April. But this time I mean it. We’re done buying multiple phones for various rooms. I’m building a new communication system… immune to electrical surges.