Lock up your children: Mulch Maniac on the loose!

This is the fateful time of year when Martin runs amok with mulch.

Yes, mulch can help to suppress weeds. And it provides plants with nutrients, and helps to hold in moisture. And it’s aesthetically pleasing.

When used SPARINGLY.

In Martin’s world, every meal would be accompanied with ranch dressing, the mandatory dress code would be a tee shirt and cargo pants, and any stationary object outdoors would be outlined in an earthy ring.

The trees and bushes on our farm? They’re goners. Fifty pounds for each of you. I’m just waiting for the day when Chitty is buried in a halo of compost or wood chips. And the telephone pole, the dumpster, the deck chairs….

Sometimes I wonder what feeds this obsession. Is there an ulterior motive? Does all this landscaping mean less mowing? Is it a color blind thing? Does brown mulch looks like green grass?

Who knows. Just heed my cautionary words: if you happen to stop by, keep shuffling those feet. Or you might become a pawn in Martin’s mulching manifesto.