Don’t Rock the Aquifer!

 Plan on hosting an end-of-summer party for your best friends and favorite family?
Are you grasping for that signature drink?

Thinking Cosmos?
So yesterday.


Gin and tonic?
Nice try, gramps.

No, you want to set the trend and dish up something they’ll ALL be talking about.

Something like this:

Jo’s secret recipe:

1. Order up one 5.8 earthquake.
2. Shake ground vigorously — 20 to 30 seconds should do it.
3. Commence panic.  (If you’re at the office, flee building, and stand in parking lot staring dumbly at coworkers. Then drive home.)
4. If you’re already home, turn on the tap. Bathe children, if you have any handy. When the water turns a golden, tangerine hue, you’re ready to serve!

Don’t worry if it comes out looking like this:

…It’ll still look like this in the glass. Sun-kissed, all-natural goodness. No artificial colors or flavors. Savory silt! (note: run the tap a little longer for two-toned beverages.)

Guaranteed, this drink will be the cover shot on Real Simple. You heard it here first.

Warning: do not make drinks in advance, otherwise your silt water might look something like this. Eww!