You want that drink with charcoal?

 

Aside from cell phones and laptops, our house is a haven for over-the-hill electronics and appliances. It’s like an assisted living facility for outdated devices. Our TVs are big, boxy models that predate high-def; the weatherman bleeds off the screen and only half of sports scores are visible. During football season it’s 14 to who-knows-what.

Our AC window units also are on the “do not resuscitate” list. One model sports duct tape while another is wedged in placeĀ with a diaper.

But we’re willing to let these dinosaurs live out their days. As long as they behave.

The fridge has not been behaving.

It started a few months ago when the dispenser began spitting out ice cubes peppered with black flecks. (Don’t worry friends, we used bagged ice for guests…. we only poison family members.)

 

The accused

 

After some research I discovered that the flecks were disintegrating bits from the charcoal cartridge, fitted in the water/ice filter. Okay, so it wasn’t mold. But charcoal does not top the mixer list.

 

Rust is a turn-off, too.

 

Frankly, the fridge had been heading south for a while.

Quite literally.

A combination of house settling and worn hinges caused the freezer door to crack open, while its partner, the fridge, did its best to over-compensate. If we failed to place our milk (delivered in glass bottles) on the door shelves, it froze the contents. Unopened bottles exploded, showering our food in glass shards and milk. We trained ourselves to place the milk in the door but we’d forget.

“I can’t take it anymore,” Martin said, staring at the thawed milk cascading down the shelves and pooling under the veggie bins.

After looking at about 250 fridge models (varying in brand names but painfully identical), we bought this one. The old fridge? We marched it to the edge of town and shot it.

 

 

The new fridge so new and modern. If it’s possible to have a crush on an appliance, I’ve got one. I’m totally smitten, despite the dingy contrast it casts on the kitchen.

Lately I imagine renovating the entire house….reducing the contents to rubble. Nothing would be left except the fridge, a glinting beacon of stainless steel.